


:Be Dirk

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 16:54:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1655666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote this a very long time ago so it is probably... weird. Also, not completely serious</p>
            </blockquote>





	:Be Dirk

Not once did you think you were gay. No, its love. Not gay love. Just pure, sweet, hopeless love. With your most best friend, fucking Jake English. You have always thought the guy's last name was a bit weird, but, whatever. English was hot, and there was nothing else to it. He was cute, funny, and he had good fashion and personality for the fact that he lived on an Island all alone. God you sound like a little girl. Fuck it. You'd book Texas and fucking run all the way to that Island if he'd want. And he loves skulls. Skulls are cool. Especially because Jake thinks skulls are cool. And since Jake loves skulls, you love swords. Yeah. That's the fucking hottest thing you can ever think of. God, would you shove your sword up his-- no. That actually sounds kind of painful. Scratch that; you'd shove your Strider up his plump rump any time.  
  
Just thinking about it gives you the chills, that flushed feeling you only get when thinking about English. I mean, shit, even thinking of an island brings Jake right into your mind. The sad thing is, you live in Texas and he lives on an Island who-knows-where. Probably farther from you than you can imagine, but, you don't want to think about that right now. All you can do is watch him through the eyes of BroBot. He's a robot you built for the guy (before you found out you had feels for the dude) to help him strife out. You know, to work out them abs on the skinny-minny toothpick. You give your past self an imaginary pat on the back for such a great idea, because now he's probably got a six pack under that needed-to-be-ripped-off-shirt he never takes off. You shake your head from these (not so silly but sexy) silly thoughts and sit in one of your desk chairs, turning on some monitors, slammin' an Orange Crush Soda. A smile slowly curls onto your lips as you continue to day dream. Fuck silly but sexy thoughts.  
  
One day, you'll get your hands on the guy. English. Ooooh, English. It kind of makes you proud you even know the language English though you think English...you mean Jake is probably teased by Jane and Roxy daily by his last name. Now that you think of it, whats his middle name anyway? Ahh, doesn't matter. What matters is getting into Jake's pants one day, right?  Typing in the password to your computers and what not technology, you open up BroBot's vision. Seems like he's in the forest part of the Island again, you think he likes to chill there when he's not stalking on or strifing with Jake. You can't control BroBot, and he's kind of boring. The only thing you can do is watch what he sees and hear what he hears.   
  
You sit up in your chair as you watch BroBot turn his head, hearing wiring sound as he trudges through the fallen trees and mud on the ground, he must have heard something worth his time and interest. You tried your hardest to make BroBot just like you, just a bit more into strifing, and a bit of his own personality. If its even possible for a robot to have a personality. Taking a sip of your soda, you watch painfully as BroBot slowly makes his way to the end of the forest, and goes to the water. BroBot turns his head and you see Jake, through the red tint of BroBot's sight. He looks a bit confused then smiles, sitting down on the sand and digging his feet into the water. Motioning his hand in the air for BroBot to come towards him, Jake says in his oh-so-sexy accent, "Hey ol' chap, BroBot, c'mere." smiling bright as ever. You see BroBot nods and walks towards Jake very slowly. Jeez, you need to fix this guy's metal ass to walk faster. You wonder what Jake's intentions are, but you push those thoughts away as you watch Jake twiddles his thumbs and look down, uh-oh. Creepily enough you know that when he does that it's a bad sign.   
  
"Well, BroBot, I just wanted you to know that..." He trails off as he lifts his head up to look into BroBots eyes, "We should stop strifing." Jake finishes, you release your breath you just noticed you had been holding, fuck! This guy really knows how to fool you. You thought the guy was depressed or saddened about something. Shit, you though BroBot had raped him or somethin'. Brobot nods his head, you know that's what you would have done, not letting your emotions show. Jake had been frowning before, probably thinking BroBot would have punched him. But he was smirking now, trying to get up to his feet. Already standing, BroBot extends out a hand; Jake taking it, he helps him up. "Thanks mate, its just for a little while, though. And its only because my face really hurts. I think I just need a real good sloppy makeout..." he laughs, scratching the back of his neck. BroBot hadn't responded, just standing there. Jake stopped laughing, seeing as it was just a bit...awkward. "You punch really hard, with your metal fists, bro! That's all." He smiles, chuckling as he wrapped an arm around BroBot, walking with him towards his shack in the middle of the Forest part of the Island. As they made their way to Jake's place, BroBot seemed to be constantly staring at Jake's eyes. You think BroBot's trying to analyze Jake's eye color or something. Its a shame the poor robot only sees in red. As Jake leaves BroBot at the doorstep, he waves with a "Farewell, chap!" as he closes his door.   
  
You know what comes next. BroBot will just stand there until night falls. You wonder if Jake knows that? He probably doesn't. Brobot's a ninja. Silent. As. Hell. Probably even more silent than your favorite puppet, Lil' Cal. And that's sayin' something. You turn your chair around to walk off, but, you stop. You think you hear something... strange. Leaning back into your chair and tilting your head, you listen. Oh, there it is again. You don't know exactly what it is because you can't really trust your mind right now, but you think you hear a light moan. Turning your chair back around towards the monitor, you take a sip of your Orange Soda as you listen silently. Your eyes widen as your tangerine orbs make their way through Jake English's window, (This isn't peeping, you swear!) and land right on Jake's bare chest. Your automatically turned on, your orange soda spilling out of your mouth and onto your screens as you spit it out in shock. You quickly grab a towel and wipe it off, fixing your sunglasses. Running your finger through your hair, you can't help but laugh a bit. Creepily, if nothing else. You never thought this day would come. Though, its not, exactly what you thought it'd be like, but its pretty damn close enough. Unzipping your way fucking too tight for comfort pants, you let out a soft sigh as you watch Jake take his cargo shorts off, his green boxers the only thing keeping you away from seeing his disco stick. Whoa. Your. About. To. See. His. TALLY WACKER. His sword. His fucking fun poker. His...his...his dick! The thought makes you want to cry a river, its just... too... good! You can't believe it's even happening. You wonder if this happens every day?? You just need to watch BroBot A FUCK TON LOT for little things like this. Small victories, hell yeah.  
  
Lowering your orange boxers down to your ankles, you watch as Jake does the same. He falls down onto his bed, his hand around his what seems to be rock fucking hard member. What the actual fuck has him so turned on? And he's so fucking flushed, arggh! You wish you were there. Damn, just look at that chest. Those guns. Them nipples. You want to just eat him he looks so delicious. You wouldn't know where to even start. You let out a slight moan, wrapping your gloved hand around your hard cock. Panting, you look up at the screens, the light brightens your face as you blush deeply. Shit, this is the most sexiest thing you have ever seen. Sexier than puppet sex. Sexier than two hot girls making out. SEXIER THAN SEXY. You watch as Jake pumps himself, his face turned to the wall, his glasses missing, his hair wild and his legs spread. You can't seem to get enough of this, so you grab the mouse and click record. Oh, yes. _You'll remember this moment for forever_. You hope BroBot will too, and your a bit  jealous right now. You made BroBot look, and think just like you. You feel like you made an evil twin or something. Licking your lips you lean into the chair, letting your thumb slide across the head of your Strider, not once closing your eyes.  
  
You almost scream when you see BroBot turn his head towards the door knob and reach out to it. Hoppy shit! What does he think he's doing?? No, BroBot, no! Bad, bad, bad!! You feel like your going to regret this. Brobot opens the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Truely a masterpiece


End file.
